


P.S. I Love You

by Dolston17



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: 5 times + 1, Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Confused Amy Santiago, Diary/Journal, Don't know why I keep getting new ideas when I should be studying, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I can't seem to stop writing, Romance, Some Humor, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolston17/pseuds/Dolston17
Summary: Five times Amy wrote something Jake-related in her diary (and one time Jake did).The title is a Beatles song.
Relationships: Amy Santiago/Teddy Wells, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Sophia Perez
Comments: 21
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, here I am, yet again, writing a fic, instead of studying. I think I've given up on studying....
> 
> So since I just can't get enough of Peraltiago, and am almost constantly thinking about them, I just thought about all those times Amy was left confused, or excited, or hurt, or whatever emotion, and she had no one to talk about it with because they either didn't care or wouldn't understand. So, she'd probably just write it down somewhere, 'cause let's face it, that's what Amy Santiago would do. So these five chapters (plus one) are set in different times (seasons/episodes), but I'm sure you'll get the premise as soon as you read it.

**March 25, 2014**

Hi, diary

Wow, I actually haven't written those words since college. I never really had the chance to afterwards, what with work taking up my time. It's not easy to make up free time when you're a (great) detective. I'm sure I haven't forgotten how to write a diary, though. I guess I should start with the morning... I got up at 5, just as usual. For breakfast, I had avocado toast. Got to the precinct at 7, again, just as usual.

Oh, screw this! I'm not a nine-year old girl anymore! I don't need to follow structures, worrying that my brothers will sneak in and find this and tattle on Mom and Dad for not sticking to a format; I can write whatever I want... right?

Okay, look, the real reason I'm writing this is because something weird happened. The thing is, Jake's been assigned to a super dope undercover mission. And as I was leaving the precinct, he was getting ready to 'save the world'. He caught me outside, and... Okay, well, he told me he liked me, 'romantic style ~~z~~ s'. Even writing it is weird.

I did absolutely nothing when he told me, nothing. I actually still don't know what to do... I mean, this is SO messed up on so many levels!! I'm with Teddy, and he knows it; he even mentioned it when he was confessing his feelings... Teddy and I've been together for nearly a month now, and I guess we're good. I mean, nothing's wrong happened, but everything is a bit monotonous at the moment. Okay, if I'm really being honest, it's annoying how everything needs to be scheduled for him, even sex. For fuck's sake, it's either sex on Friday or no other day, 'cause otherwise he'll 'get tired at work the next day'. But that doesn't mean it's bad... does it? I'm sure it's just for now, and later we'll probably get in sync and things can be more spontaneous.

Back to the point, it's crazy, so, so crazy, that Jake likes me. How did I not know this? He sits across me at work for crying out loud! He didn't show any signs of having a crush on me - no staring, no 'accidental' touching, no nothing. Well, it's either none of those and he was acting extremely professionally, or he did all those really well without me noticing. Either way, it's messed up. 

I mean, Jake and me? Together?? God, that sounds weird... What would we even be like? Disorganized and organized, joking and serious, immature and mature... We couldn't be more opposite than that. Why did he even take so long to tell me? He may get on my nerves, but he's still my friend, probably even one of my best friends... Maybe he didn't want to ruin it? But he did say he wished for something to happen between us, so why didn't he take the step? I mean, if he'd said this two months back, things could have been different...

I also had a crush on him then, but I thought it would be worthless. I made this whole pros vs cons list, and I decided that it would be a bad idea. I mean, yes, Jake is a polar opposite of mine and he gets in my nerves, but even if he were to be with me, he'd be unhappy; I'd be unable to keep him happy... That's what I thought back then, and it turns out I was wrong. Besides, I later got in touch with Teddy, so...

I guess it's time for both of us to move on... Me with Teddy; him with someone he finds. And he will find someone; he'll find someone he loves, and she'll be lucky to be with him.

But for now, Jake Peralta is undercover, saving the world, and I hope he saves himself, too.

P.S. I know I bought a whole notebook to write this one page, but the truth is, I only bought it because I have no one else to talk with regarding this. I just needed to write it all down. And I know I've labeled you as 'My Diary' in the front, but I don't know if I'll ever write here again. Still, you'll be under my bed, in case I do need you.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**November 31, 2014**

Hey, diary

Have you ever gone on a vacation sort of work trip to the most beautiful of places, where you can be with your partner? Who am I kidding? I've kept you under my bed for the better part of seven months. I apologize for that, but I didn't need you then. Today, though, I need you.

So, the thing is Holt sent us (Jake and I) on a work trip. It was at this beautiful bed and breakfast. I don't usually care for the red leaves the cold, but I liked it there; it just looked so pretty. It was just what I needed, especially given how I've been trying to break up with Teddy. Oh, yeah, I haven't told you - I was planning to break up with Teddy.

Teddy's a good guy, he really is. But things just aren't working out. Well, things just aren't working out for me. The thing is, people say, 'Get someone who understands you, and likes who you are, and shares interests with you.' Well, Teddy is all those things. I can honestly say that I've never been with a guy who shares almost every interest as I do. And I don't hate him for that; that's just how he is. But what I do hate is how everything seems to be as monotonous as my captain's voice. I know I love everything to be organized, and up to my standards, but ironically, I don't want my life to be like that. I thought I did, but I've been with Teddy for nearly a year now, and I realized that I don't. And how is he terrible at sex?! For fuck's sakes, I'm literally having to guide him every single time! You'd expect him to learn after the first few times, but no!

Sorry for those last few lines... I've been going through a dry spell, and well, I guess the frustrations are starting to pent up...

Anyway, back to the work trip... The place was really romantic, and Jake thought so, too, which is why he invited Sophia... and Teddy. I mean, it wasn't his fault; he didn't know my situation with Teddy. It was actually really sweet on his part. But of course, he was the one who did call up Teddy, so it is his fault in the end. Either way, he and Sophia agreed to help me get through the weekend. there was just one problem - Teddy.

I don't know what's wrong with him, but the guy CANNOT read a room. He cannot even read his girlfriend. Ugh, I don't even want to be called his girlfriend. But I'm not exaggerating about his poor social skills. He says the most boring things, and everyone smiles and nods because they want to be polite. But he thinks of them as applause, like he's a gladiator in the Colosseum and everyone's giving him a thumbs up. No one's gonna give you a thumbs up, Teddy, both figuratively and literally! Anyway, I sort of got through the day until dinner.

God, dinner was an epic shitshow...

That was the part, Teddy just had to ramble on and on about everything. Jake and Sophia tried so hard to stop him, but even they were outspoken by that idiot. And that was it; I just couldn't bear it anymore and broke up with him, right then and there. Again, Jake and Sophia were doing the right thing, by getting up, but no, Teddy had to force them to sit down and tell them that...

Okay, this part you do know, 'cause it's the entire reason I started telling you these things. Remember how Jake told me he liked me before leaving for that undercover mission? Well, I was really off for quite some time, and I needed someone to talk to. I mean, you were great, but I needed interaction. So, I told Teddy, and he just flipped out. He only calmed down after I reassured him that I didn't like Jake, and that it was only one-sided.

And that's exactly what he told them at the dinner. He blamed it on Jake, and Jake turned to me, and... I got so fucking confused! It was like the undercover mission all over again. Except now it ruined Jake's relationship with Sophia, too.

I don't know... It was just a wave of emotions till Teddy and I officially broke up, and it was without doubt, the messiest break up I've ever had. I can't even remember what we said to each other. There were plenty of insults thrown at each other, and he eventually left. The one thing I do remember is him wishing 'good luck' to Jake and me. I just lay down on the bed, kinda relieved, kinda hurt. But I was more relieved than hurt if I'm honest. I just needed to end things with Teddy, because it wasn't working out, and I'm sure it never would have. But somehow my mind diverted over to the other room, where Jake and Sophia were. And I felt guilty, thinking I had ruined things between them, too. But strangely I felt hopeful, too. Because Teddy was right - I do like Jake Peralta.

I like how competitive he is. I like how he brings out the best side of me. I like how he jokes around and makes me laugh. I like how smart he is. I like how sweet he is. I like how cute he is. I like how tense his muscles feel whenever we brush out arms. I like how cute his butt looks. 

Sorry, again, about those last few...

But, yeah, I do like Jake. And I was hopeful things between Sophia and him would, too, and we could, maybe, get together...

But things didn't end between him and Sophia; they managed to work things out. And I'm crushed about that. Because I want to be in Sophia's place. I want to be the girl he calls 'babe'. I want to be the person who hold his hand as we walk. Plus, I'm a lefty, he's a righty. It'd be a perfect fit! I want to be the one he calls for a romantic getaway. I want to be the one he feels comfortable with. I want to be the one he can rely on. I want to be his confidant. I want to be the one who gets to send naked pictures to him. I want to be the one who straddles his lap and makes him feel good.

Ugh! I'm sorry!!

But this is probably how Jake felt - embarrassed and miserable. Because that's how I feel. And Sophia probably hates me, but I don't really care about her. Because I care about Jake, but he's with her... This is so fucked up... Why can't either of us get our shit together? Why do we need to like the other when they're in a relationship with someone else? Perhaps a good thing is that Jake doesn't know I still like him. He thinks I've moved on already. He even made a joke on it on the way back, and i laughed along, mostly to prevent the awkwardness.

Because I'm a mess right now, and nothing seems to be working for me. At this point, I care less about work than my love life. I desperately wish that he'd come knocking on my door, and that he'd swoop me up in his arms and kiss me. Because I want to be with Jake, even though I'm pretty sure there's a near-zero percent chance of anything happening between us. 

Sophia's lucky; so, so lucky. And I know Jake is an incredible boyfriend to her, and for his sake, I just hope she's half as good as him, because he deserves it so much. 

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**April 30, 2016**

Hi

I know it's been a long time since I've opened you, but this time it was because things worked out... Well, until now at least, but I'll get to that in a while.

The thing is, Jake is my boyfriend now. I know you can't see me, but I'm smiling right now. I like calling him my boyfriend. It's what I wanted for the past year and a half, and now I actually get to say it. And it's even better when he calls me his girlfriend. We finally gave into our feelings, and we're so glad we did, because I haven't been this happy in a long time.

The way we got together is weird enough actually. We were undercover, as a couple. Our suspect was on a date with his significant other, and we were seated right next to them. They asked about us and I can honestly say that I'd never seen Jake talk so sincerely. He said that my opinions mattered to him the most. Can you believe it? My opinions matter to Jake Peralta! Of course, I had to tell them something I liked, too, so I said the first thing that came to my mind - that he made me laugh. He makes me laugh so much, even before we started going out. Anyway, we were following our man, and it seemed like he caught us spying on him, and on instinct, I just kissed Jake. I mean, we were acting as a couple, and we had to keep up the act... right?

Okay, well, I haven't told this to anyone, not even Jake, but I didn't just kiss him to keep our cover; I kissed him because I wanted to kiss him. I mean, if it had been Charles instead of Jake, I wouldn't have kissed him! But Jake was the one with me... so I kissed him.

Anyway, there were a flurry of emotions later, and... we kissed again. Again, it was for the case!

But the third time we kissed, we kissed for realz... I mean, this time it wasn't to hide anything. He just came into the evidence room looking for me, and we talked about Holt leaving, and a new captain coming, and - Oh yeah, Holt had to leave, but he's back again... Well, I'll get to that later. Anyway, we were talking, and I had to look up at him, you know, 'cause he's taller than me. But he looked cute, so friggin' cute! And I knew that I'd want to kiss him, but we weren't a couple, so I had to divert my gaze. Unfortunately, it got diverted to his lips, his smooth lips, and I was just trying to control myself. But he didn't try to control himself, and thank god for that, because that kiss... Oh, mama... Jake is such a great kisser. And I just gave into it as well, and I wrapped my hands around him, and his hands roamed up my back as he was pulling me closer. A part of me was like, 'I don't want this to end,' and another part of me was like, 'I don't even have a bra on! Do what you want, Peralta!'

And before you get all judgmental, you better remember that I'd gone for over five months without sex! I should've gotten a medal for that.

But, well, we had to break it, because the new captain came... And, well, okay, I'm just gonna summarize the two captains we had while Holt was gone - Dozerman and the Vulture. Dozerman was all work, work, work; the Vulture was all sleaze, sleaze, sleaze. 

Anyway, after greeting our new captain, who promptly got a heart attack, Jake and I decided to go on a date. We even made rules to keep it light and breezy - not to tell anyone, not to put any labels, and not to have sex. Just so you know, I suggested the last one, and yet we broke it. We just got super hammered, and we went over to his place, and god, was he good. I am declaring it right now - Jake is incredibly hot, and he knows what he's doing. And at first I thought, well it's probably because of the dry spell. But no, every time were together in bed, he KNOWS what he's doing. It's stupid good (yes, I coined that, too).

And breaking a rule has never felt so good!! So guess what? We decided to make out at work! 

Okay, the results on that weren't so great... We may have accidentally given Dozerman a heart attack due to the shock... which killed him...

I mean, it wasn't they were gonna charge us with man murder or anything, but it's still an awful feeling. I thought it was a bad sign, and I broke up with him. And I got confused all over again, just like the first time Jake told me he liked me before going undercover. And I wanted to talk to someone about it; about Jake and I, and Holt leaving, and Dozerman... I thought about you, too, but, let's face it, you're not Tom Marvolo Riddle's diary, so you're never gonna give me responses. Ultimately, I realized that I wanted Jake to talk to about all those. I mean, I'd been fantasizing about it for a very long time, and I was cursing the universe for not putting us together. But when we were together, I just had to put up these stupid rules. So I just disregarded all those rules.

Because now I have only one rule - Jake Peralta is far greater than any stupid rule.

I think he felt the same way about me, too, because he agreed immediately to keeping no more rules in the relationship. Although, to be fair, he's never really cared for rules. But I'm gonna say he did it for us.

Because if these months have taught me anything, it's that Jake Peralta is one hundred percent devoted to me. I mean, it's not like I force him to cater to my every need, but he just does it. I can just go on about all the things he's done. He was willing to get demoted (and did) just so that we could still be together. Yes, that was a stupid order the Vulture gave, and yes, Holt ultimately stepped in and saved our relationship, but it just went to show how much he wanted for us to be together. And we were only dating for six days then! He also watches Property Brothers with me! I'd have never thought Jake would do that. I mean, I used to tape them at first, because I didn't want to, like, force Jake into doing something he didn't want to. But then he found out, and the next day we just had this super long marathon. 

Jake Peralta is just the sweetest guy. 

Still don't believe me?

He helped me prepare a binder on his mother, just so I could know everything about her and impress her. Not to mention, it made me horny as hell... Another time, he volunteered for us to look after Cheddar while Holt could go to Paris to meet Kevin. Jake said he could empathize with Holt, because if it were us in their place, he'd miss me. That was so sweet. 

But it's not like we've never fought. Of course we have, even over the pettiest of things. Like when I bought him Orangina instead of orange soda. Or the time he wouldn't buy a mattress. Or when he found out that I hadn't told my mom about our relationship. We've fought before, and I'm sure we'll fight in the future, too. But all that doesn't matter to me. Honestly, I'd be a bit worried if we never fought at all. We're Jake and Amy, after all. But we love each other, and a few fights aren't gonna come in between us.

Well, fights may not come in between us, but....

Okay, well, I'm gonna make this real short - Jake's in Florida, in the Witness Security Program... There's this guy, Figgis, who's after him and Holt, so that's why they're in the program... That's why I needed you today.

Because Jake's gone for, what, a couple of weeks now? But I miss him SO much... It's like it's the whole before-we-started dating scenario again, except this, somehow, hurts so much more.... I guess that's what love does? It makes separation that much harder? And he's probably going through the same feelings as well, because this sucks to say the least. I can't talk to him, I can't have any sort of contact with him... It fuckin' sucks! I know the program is safe enough, but my mind keeps wondering if the man I love is safe or not. I just want to search for that Figgis guy and fuckin' crush him, just as badly as Rosa said she'd do (because Figgis is also after her fiancé, Adrian... it's a long story). 

I'm worried about Holt, too, of course. He's the best captain I've ever had, and he's a mentor and a dad. And Terry's doing a really good job of running the Nine-Nine in his absence, but they're saying we'll get a new captain sooner or later. While I am hopeful that any new captain will be dignified, I know they'll never reach Holt's standards. And of course, if Jake's life can be threatened in the program, then Holt's can, too! So, yes, I'm worried about Holt as well, and I miss him, too.

But it's different with Jake. With Holt not being around, I can be like, 'It's just at work; I can go back home, and relax and pretend everything is normal.' But with Jake not being around I can't relax at home either. Because he's my boyfriend, and I love him so much. There's no one to walk with me hand-in-hand. There's no one I can look to for general laughter. There's no one to have date nights with. There's no one to cuddle up on the sofa while watching movies. There's no one to keep me warm by wrapping their arms around me. There's no one to say goodnight to right before going to sleep. There's no one to say good morning to right as I wake up... And the cycle repeats, or rather doesn't.

I miss Jake... I miss Jake so much... I just hope he's fine, along with the captain... I hope they get Figgis soon, because I don't know how long I can handle this...

But when I finally do meet him, I gonna hug him so tight that he'll never have to go anywhere again...

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> _'Treasure these few words till we're together  
>  Keep all my love forever  
> P.S. I love you  
> You, you, you'_
> 
> \- The Beatles
> 
> So I decided to make it a multi-chapter fic instead of keeping all 5 (+1) together, mainly to keep me occupied for later.  
> Anyway, let me know what you think!


End file.
